Met Gala 2013: Planet Fashion Gets Punk'd

Parties with themed dress codes can be a bit of a nightmare...

If it says 'Studio 54' on the invitation, do you go all out, don your silver flares, mirrorball earrings and a faceful of glitter or should you just give the theme a gentle nod and wear something suitably Bianca Jagger-esque? Does 'Pirate Chic' call for full on Jack Sparrow, peg leg and hook or are we talking a few stripes and an oversized pair of gold hoop earrings?

There's a fine line between themed and fancy dress, but not making an effort at all can make you look just as ridiculous, especially when everyone else has really gone to town...

So, we can only imagine the fashion dilemmas that fashion's A-List have faced since the Met Gala invitations landed on their doormats earlier this year bearing the dress code: 'Punk'.

Did this call for a sprinkle of studs and a couple of safety pins, or was this more of a mohawk and dog collar affair? The Met Gala is by far our favourite red carpet fashion parade of the year because the slew of fashionistas, models and all round beautiful people on the invite list always use it as an opportunity to completely push fashion boundaries to the max. But does that really extend to pink hair and PVC bondage trousers?  And quite aside from all that, what does 'punk' as a theme even mean anyway...?

We like to think that had we been running this dress code gauntlet, we'd have been attempting to channel the spirit of Greenday's Billie Joe Armstrong's definition of punk:

"A guy walks up to me and asks ‘What’s Punk?’ So I kick over a garbage can and say ‘That’s punk!’ So he kicks over a garbage can and says ‘That’s punk?’ and I say ‘No, that’s trendy!”

We're thinking, being Punk at the Met Gala is less about spikes and leather harnesses, and more about doing something free, naughty and a little bit out there. It's a dress code that calls for a look that draws a triple take and raises an eyebrow; something that unashamedly goes against the grain and sticks its middle finger up at any protest about it...

But, we also recognise the desire to remain flashbulb friendly and we can definitely understand J-Lo, Gwyneth & co shying away from anything that would  be likely to make Harper Beckham cry... anti-establishment with a glossy edge - there's absolutely not denying that it's a tough one.

But then there's also the rather clever argument that the ultimate punk rebellion is to dress for a punk themed event in pretty, pastel-hued florals... in which case, we suppose we'll have to concede that la Wintour in Chanel Couture nailed it. As always.

But what about the rest of them? We give you the 3BM take on who punk rocked the red carpet and who just looked a bit Johnny Rotten...

The Fancy Messes

Miley Cyrus in Marc Jacobs
A fishnet body stocking is always going to hover on the edges of fetish wear so with the right styling Miley's dress could actually be the perfect punky statement to cause a stir amongst the buttoned-up Waspy socialites. But, add in the spiked up crop and you topple straight into campy punk - a theme taken far too literally.

Madonna in Givenchy

Studs? check! Spikes? check! Ripped fishnets and tartan? check! Lourdes cowering in the corner, rocking gently with her hands over her eyes? Just out of shot...

Kim Kardashian in Givenchy
Kim's certainly made an effort in the fancy dress stakes we're just not sure what she came as, or why she thought dressing a burgeoning bump and ballooning bosom in polo-necked, posy print was going to do her any favours. The matching shoes are pretty horrific too and don't even get us started on the camouflage glove-sleeve...

Sienna Miller in Burberry
There's no denying that Sienna got the punk memo and that jacket is pretty awesome, but we can't help thinking that she looks a little as though she's recycled Olivia Newton John's Grease finale costume and got lost on her way to an Avril Lavigne convention...

Ivanka Trump in Juan Carlos Obando
Props to the Trumpette for those lethal looking spikes and the emerald streaked hair but the very blah outfit's just a little Soccer Mom not to mention massively unflattering.

Sarah Jessica Parker in Giles Deacon & Philip Treacy
We genuinely wavered over whether this was fugly or fabulous. Each and every item of SJP's look in isolation are jaw-droppingly incredible, but together, all at once, even Carrie Bradshaw can't quite ace it... Though we're still a little head over those thigh-high tartan Louboutin heels...

The Dress Code? What Dress Codes?

Heidi Klum in Marchesa
Perfectly pretty but not at all punky, from the woman who spends months creating the world's most elaborate Halloween costumes, we really expected more.

Kate Upton in Diane Von Furstenberg
We get shunning a theme if you have something so stupendously awesome to wear that you'll bedazzle everyone into forgetting that there ever was a theme in the first place. This though, is just stupendously awful. We have serious concerns that Kate can't actually read and just believed the other green-eyed glamour models when they read the invite to her, telling her the dress code was peas.

Gwyneth Paltrow in Valentino
It seems that Gwyneth got her dates muddled and turned up in last year's outfit... It's perfectly acceptable (although perhaps a little unimaginative) to wear Schiaparelli pink when the exhibition is Schiaparelli themed; it's totally baffling when the theme's punk.

Naomie Harris in Donna Karan Atelier
Meanwhile Naomie hadn't got her years muddled but was heavily channeling two of last year's star gowns. Taking inspiration from girls whose style you covet is all well and good, but coming over single white female and completely ripping off both Beyonce and Diane Kruger's dresses from 2012's Met Ball is a little too much...

Uma Thurman in Zac Posen
This isn't punk and it isn't pretty. We suspect that Uma, who'd lost her invite, was super relieved to bump into Kate Upton last week, who happily passed along the dress code...

Mary-Kate Olsen in Vintage Chanel Haute Couture & Vintage Balmain
A little bit Great Gatsby, a little bit Grandma's dressing gown all topped off with hobo hair. It's actually pretty bonkers brilliant but it's definitely not even verging on punk.

The Punk Princesses

Anne Hathaway in vintage Givenchy
Hathahaters be silenced, this girl knows her punk. The marabou and glitter sound cabaret carcrash on paper but it just the right combination of deadly delicious in real life. We're also loving the peroxide crop - Debbie Harry eat your heart out.

Katy Perry in Dolce & Gabbana
While some people have shunned Katie's D&G as too costumey and camp, we couldn't agree less. We're having serious palpitations over the detail in that dress and we adore the matchy matchy earrings and crown. Plus, what's more punk and iconoclastic than making satanic hand signs while wearing a cathedral inspired dress... On a more Perez Hilton-esque note, Putting this fashion genius in the same frame as Upton's pea sack is cruelly comical.

Kate Bosworth in Balmain
OK, it's more glam rock than punk rock but, as always, Ms Bosworth completely knocks it out of the park. Short, sharp and mouth-wateringly besequinned, we particularly love that the hair and make-up is so laidback it's virtually snoozing.

Cameron Diaz in Stella McCartney
We're really not sure about this look from the neck up. Cameron needs roots or darker eye make-up to prevent the slightly terrifying Lord Voldemort face, but neck down this is sheer perfection. That colour, that back to front cape, that belt - we love...

Doutzen Kroes in Theykens' Theory
She's the sort of girl who's constantly told that she'd look good in a bin bag and it looks as though she's decided to test the theory out. The result? Well what a surprise... she looks a thousand percent kickass amazing. It's black but not boring with just the right amount of punky, look at me rebellion.

Aubrey Plaza in Marios Schwab

So, we have a slight cape obsession. We've no idea who Aubrey Plaza is, but she's caped up in the Marios Schwab dress that we've been drooling over since Fashion Week. The grungey hair and smudgy, morning-after eye make-up just lifts our levels of style crush to even loftier heights.

Cara Delevingne in Burberry

We're not going to lie, we sort of wish that Kate Upton had got to Cara before she left the house and showed the rest of the amateurs how punk's really done (quite apart from anything else we're sure that baby Delevingne would have an incredible pea onesie...). Studded and slashed to the navel - this fierce slice of Burberry amazingness is taken stellar with the undone hair, kohled lids and edgy ear cuff. Sigh.

  

Hong Kong Beauty Little Black Book

When I first moved to Hong Kong just over four years ago, I arrived never having visited the city before without really having done any research about my new home. Work had arranged a serviced apartment and a taxi to pick me up from the airport, I knew vaguely how to get from the serviced apartment to the office on Monday, and I had a Time Out Guide to Hong Kong, I'd be fine...

The fact that I'd neglected to get any cash changed at the airport was my first stumbling block. It turns out a wallet full of ten pound notes is even less useful in a Hong Kong taxi than a five hundred Hong Kong dollar note... Finding an HSBC cash point in Central was my second issue. How is there a 7eleven every hundred metres, but a complete lack of places to get the means to buy anything from these cash only corner shops?! Once I'd located an ATM, I suddenly realised that I had absolutely no idea what the exchange rate between pounds and HK dollars was... The suggested amounts on the cash point screen seemed to indicate that $1,000 was a viable amount to be withdrawing in one go, but that sounded like a lot? Would I withdraw $1,000 and empty my account? I decided to just grit my teeth and go with it. Thankfully $1,000 is less than £100, account draining was averted and I could pay my angry taxi driver and send him on his way.

As my first week progressed, I realised that locating an HSBC ATM was the least of my new city problems. Small things that you take for granted become a huge undertaking. You need to buy some groceries. Where is the nearest Waitrose? Oh, right, there isn't a Waitrose in Hong Kong, so um... what are the supermarkets called in Hong Kong? Which is the equivalent of Waitrose? You've forgotten to pack blonde hairgrips, where's the nearest Boots? Oh, no Boots in Hong Kong either... And the likelihood of getting blonde hairgrips anywhere is slim to none? Excellent.

Need a doctor? Need to get a pair of trousers taken up? Need to buy a Birthday card? Yes every little day to day thing becomes a bit of an uphill struggle.

And then there's your hair and beauty... Where to get a haircut, where to get a wax, where to get a mani pedi... And don't even get me started on where to get good blonde highlights...

After much googling (what would we do without it?) and a lot of badgering of new friends, I begun to build up a directory of recommendations. Over the years I've also found the genius Everything Hong Kong (an awesome knows everything directory to Hong Kong that every new expat should be handed at the airport) and local websites like Sassy and Dim Sum & Then Some - total saviours.

On the hair and beauty front, I'm still uncovering hidden gems but I pretty much have my stalwart cast of favourites. For anyone new to Hong Kong or for those looking for a new waxer/ hairdresser/ beautician magician, here's a peek into my Hair & Beauty Little Black Book...

Hair
Colour
Kicking off with my top tip for the hardest thing to get right in Hong Kong, yup, blonde! Rather fittingly, my natural hair colour is mousy brown and while I love rocking my ears and whiskers in the blog header, I'm really not a fan of my mouse-hued tresses. But the pursuit of the perfect blonde is never a smooth journey. There was the teenage disaster with bleach and then the university years of dodgy stripy hair courtesy of various housemates using at home highlighting kits... 

As a result, these days I'm fastidious when it comes to getting my hair coloured. One of my most difficult goodbyes when I left London was that with my trusty colourist, but little did I know how hard finding a replacement would be in my new home. Four and a bit years on, I've done the rounds trialling and testing more than my fair share of salons and I've finally found the only man whose name you need to know if your blonde comes courtesy of a bottle... step up Shayne Chandler of Salon Chandler.

Image via: www.leadingsalons.com

I'm not going to pretend that Shayne's cheap, but this is your hair and you wear it everyday. If you're happy to pay Louboutin prices for a pair of shoes that you'll wear now and then, relatively, Shayne's a total bargain! The Salon Chandler experience is also super luxe and will leave you not only with the best blonde of your life (no kidding) but also feeling pampered and princess-like. Make sure you get booked in way in advance though, understandably, Shayne's a very popular man...

Salon Chandler
14/F Tak Woo House
17-19 D'Aguilar Street
Central
Hong Kong
+852 2537 3737
www.salonchandler.com

Cut
Colour sorted, your cut should be a total breeze right?

No, sadly not. If you've ever gone in for a trim and come out with something 'directional' and 'different', you'll know that no amount of being told that 'it will grow' is any comfort. Avoid disaster entirely by heading to a stylist who knows his way around a pair of scissors and has far more interesting chat than enquiring whether you're going anywhere nice on holiday. My top two are Billy at Salon Chandler and John at Paul Gerrard.

Paul Gerrard
1st and 2nd floor
Wah Hing House
35 Pottinger Street
Central Hong Kong
+852 2869 4408
www.paulgerrard.com

Salon Chandler
See full details above.

Brazillian Blowout
If you're one of those very annoying naturally swishy haired people, you can skip this part. Fellow frizzy friends, if you've noticed that your fro's kicked up a notch since the humidity's risen, it's time to get booked in for a Brazilian Blowout and I have the scoop on the top guys for the job. For the uninitiated, the Brazilian Blowout is quite possibly the best invention in the world. Ever. Well at least since the invention of GHDs. Cast aside images of flat, lifeless, chemically straightened helmet hair, this is a smoothing treatment which actually improves the condition of your hair while also transforming it into a frizz-free curtain of rippling goddess hair... I can confirm though that not all Brazilian Blowouts were created equal, I've had a couple of shockers but in the process have also discovered the awesome Millie at Paul Gerrard. With that knowledge in your back pocket, you too can join the ranks of the annoyingly swishy haired people...

Paul Gerrard
See full details above.

Image via: www.paulgerrard.com

Nails
I know it sounds high maintenance, but I really love having a perfect set of shiny, glossy, painted nails. Whether you're in a cocktail dress and strappy stilettos or barefoot on a beach in a bikini, a mani pedi just gives you that 'done' edge. The only problem is that I have the kind of weak children's nails that bend and flex which means that manicures tend to last 3 days tops. While I can cope with this if I'm getting a manicure for an ocassion, my divadom doesn't quite stretch to heading to the spa every couple of days for a nail touch up in usual everyday life. Which is why I was absolutely delighted to discover the gel mani pedi. A set of nails that stay unchipped and mirror shiny for roughly two weeks? I'm totally sold! I get the OPI Gel Color and my top shades are Cajun Shrimp and Big Apple Red (but there are tonnes to choose from). The only downside is that your nails are a little weaker when the colour comes off (make sure you get it removed in salon to minimise this as much as possible) but that's a price I'm willing to pay for mani pedi perfection!

My favourite place for anything nails related is Iyara. I've been a fan of the Central branch, conveniently located just alongside the escalators, for a while, but have also just discovered the Wan Chai branch, a heavenly little oasis of peace and calm tucked away on Ship Street. The therapists at Iyara are all really lovely, work quickly and efficiently and know how to give a mean manicure. You can also bring your own wine making this the perfect place to kick off a girlie night out!

Iyara
1/F 26 Cochrane Street,
Central,
+852 2545 8638
www.iyarabeauty.com



Image via: www.iyarabeauty.com

 

Waxing
I'm now an out and out IPL covert (see Skin Gym section below), but prior to that I'd tried an array of waxers around town. Pleasant it may not be, but when weekends are spent poolside or sunning on junks, having a good waxer on speed dial is essential. The majority of the places I've tried are much of a muchness, small day spas with cheerful staff who get the job done quickly and efficiently. My favourites of this variety are Nu Waxing Workshop, Om Day Spa and Nude.

But if you're looking for somewhere that makes this grooming chore a little more of a treat, I think the ultimate HK wax is at the Mandarin Oriental Spa. Surprisingly, it's only about HK$50 more pricey than most of the small day spa options and if you have to have hot wax smoothed onto you and then ripped off again, you really couldn't wish for a better place to do it.

I've heard amazing things about the legendary Betty, but apparently her waiting list is comparable to the Hermes Birkin waiting list, and in my experience, all of the therapists are great. The spa is absolutely beautiful, you're given tea on arrival along with a fluffy robe and slippers to slip on pre-wax and the changing rooms are super luxe. The whole experience is relaxing and soothing and the wax itself really is the most pain-free of all the waxes I've ever had.

The Mandarin Spa
Mandarin Oriental Hong Kong
5 Connaught Rd Central
+852 2825 4888

Foot Massage 
On my first weekend in Hong Kong, at a bit of a loss as to how to spend a Saturday afternoon in a city where I knew no one and was more than a little hungover, I stumbled across a reflexology spot and my love of foot massage was born! When I'm feeling in particular need of pampering, I can happily spend a whole afternoon snoozing and reading trashy magazines while all my stresses and strains and aches and pains are kneaded away.

If you're looking for cheap and cheerful, my favourite spot in town is Gao's. The decor is a little eclectic - think your Chinese Grandmother's front room with a dash of Ikea - but the foot massages are awesome and the little touches like the warm cinnamon scented neck pillows and the rosebud tea, set this aside from all the other foot massage joints in the city.

If you're looking for something a bit more spa-like, luxe it up a level with an hour or two at Ten Feet Tall. While this is pretty spenny compared to Gao's, your foot massage does come with a huge range of glossy magazines, a fro-yo menu and a zen white backdrop. My top reflexologists are Don & Tony, but be sure to book in advance at the weekends when appointments are like gold dust! If you're feeling in need of some real me time, nab a private room which comes complete with beds and huge TV screens where you can watch one of the selection of TFT DVDs or even your own downloads via Apple TV... The latest episode of Girls and a pot of M&M topped fro-yo while your feet are rubbed? It doesn't get much better...

Gao's Foot Massage
15th Floor Century Square
1-13 D'Aguilar Street
Central
Hong Kong
+852 2810 9219
www.gaosfootlankwaifong.com

Ten Feet Tall
20/F & 21/F,
L Place, 139 Queen's Road
Central, Hong Kong
+852 2971 1010
www.tenfeettall.com.hk
 

Image via: www.tenfeettall.com.hk

 

Eyelash Extensions

While having inidividual eyelashes painstakingly glued to each of your natural lashes may sound the height of diva-dom, this has been my number one beauty discovery of the last few years and actually means that you can become ridiculously low maintenance day to day. Suddenly from the minute you wake up you look groomed and glossy - your make-up regime is reduced to a dab of concealer and a swirl of blusher...

My first foray into lash extensions was at Hong Kong's Browhaus, but I've now found a new salon which is far cheaper and delivers much more natural results (the lashes are finer, softer and less black than the Browhaus lashes). Glow with Ceri Silk is slap bang in the middle of Central, in fact directly opposite where the brand new Topshop is about to open up! While your lashes are applied you lie on a very comfy bed, wrapped in blankets where you won't feel so awkward when you inevitably nod off!

Glow with Ceri Silk
9/F Parker House
72, Queen's Road Central,
Hong Kong
+852 2525 5198
www.cerisilk.com/

All Round Spa Awesomeness
My number one spot for everything spa related that hasn't been covered off yet - so, eyebrows (shaping and tinting), facials, massage and IPL, is the Skin Gym.  This little haven of all things beauty is very conveniently located just opposite Shanghai Tang on Duddell Street - which is just about to become the hottest street in the city thanks to much hyped new arts club, Duddell's...

I first discovered the Skin Gym when I was having a bad skin month and was in dire need of a facial, a trip to skin magician, Justine, later and my skin was glowy and bright and I'd had a very happy hour chatting away about everything and nothing for the first half and zonking out with Cafe del Mar softly playing in the background for the second. As I was about to leave Justine offered to give my eyebrows a tidy and I gratefully accepted. My only other experience of brow shaping in Hong Kong was painful and left my eyebrows looking sparse. This was the absolute opposite and I now make sure I pop in for a freshen up every few weeks.

After years of waxing, I finally decided to bite the bullet and go for a more permanent hair removal solution last winter. I considered snapping up a bargain basement GroupOn deal, but decided that where there are lasers and delicate skin involved, it pays to spend a little extra and get the assurance that the job will be done well. So, I've been heading to the Skin Gym for my monthly IPL sessions ever since. It's not the most pleasant treatment (it feels a bit like a cross-between being given a small electric shock and being snapped with an elastic band), but it's made infinitely better by being in a luxe spa room chatting to the super friendly and very efficient Clara. Results so far are head-spinningly amazing, the idea of never having to wax or shave again is just too brilliant for words and if you work out how much you'd otherwise spend on waxing, the treatment pays for itself it just a couple of years - total no brainer!

The girls also offer waxing, massage and my latest secret weapon for getting junk season ready... Maximus RF and DMA for body... The science behind this treatment is pretty complex but let's leave it at the fact that it reduces the circumference of your thighs, tightens and tones your fleshier areas and significantly improves the appearance of cellulite... A miracle treatment that I'd suggest you get booked in for ASAP, it's already May and your bikini beckons...!

The Skin Gym
Room 603
6/F Printing House
6 Duddell Street
Hong Kong
+852 2810 8088
www.theskingym.com.hk

This Week The Mice Have Mostly Been...

It's Friday!

And.... over in HK there's another reason to be happy... homelessness has been averted! Woo hoo! This time last week, my lease end date was a week away and I'd seen roughly seven hundred horrifically awful flats - I was pretty convinced that what I wanted just wasn't out there, and I'd just have to settle... And then BAM! Out of nowhere, along came the flat of my dreams! Within 24 hours I'd signed on the dotted line and now all that stands between the present and happily ever after is a day of packing all my things in boxes and shuffling them across town...Oh and seventeen days of momentary homelessness living out of a suitcase and sleeping on a blow-up mattress until my real estate Prince Charming is ready to sweep me off my feet - what can I say? True love waits...

That aside, this week the Mice have mostly been...

Welcoming a brand new A-List Mouse to the gang... Step up Posh Mouse... VB Tweeted a snap of herself leaving the Vogue Festival last weekend and baffled the media by adding a pair of mouse ears to the shot. It's been speculated that Victoria added the ears to show that "she's not a cow" (well duh, she's clearly a mouse...) and that she has a sense of humour. Both great theories, but let's face it, we all know the truth, VB just wants to be in our gang...

Image via: www.twitter.com

Daydreaming that we're dainty enough to don a tutu, tights and pointe shoes and join the Royal ballet! This week Daddy Mouse kindly gave us London Mice tickets to go see La Bayadere at the Royal Opera House. Ballet for us is something very special, our childhood was full of racing from school or very early morning wake ups to attend modern, ballet, tap and jazz lessons. Every Monday, Wednesday and Saturday we changed into our leotards and ballet shoes and pranced around dutifully pointing our toes extra hard.

You and I worked at John Lewis or Topshop as our Saturday job, but not Mummy Mouse, instead she decided to dress the Royal Ballet dancers before they went on stage and then as a hobby painted them whilst they danced. As you can imagine this is how our love was born...stories and paintings littered our years of growing up, not to mention the extra special family outings 'all the way up to London' to watch the ballerinas in action.

We decided to make our Wednesday extra special and stop by Balthazar beforehand for the famous duck shepherds pie and a Hendricks....

Suitably full off we trotted, having not visited the Opera House for years we made a quick pitstop at the beautiful champagne bar...

Before we knew it the bell was ringing and it was time to take our seats....

La Bayadere is a beautiful love story set in India, the choreography and orchestra are fantastic in demonstrating the plot, a three hour performance whizzed by with utterly compelling scenes. I am not one of those artistic people who instantly connect with a story, therefore I made sure I read the plot beforehand and at each interval and as a result followed the scenes all the way through and thoroughly enjoyed the whole experience. The costumes were simply beautiful...full, embellished stereotypical ballerina tutus to compliment scenes true of every little girl's dreams. Row upon row of frothy tutus, in precise lines executing perfectly in time sequences...simply breathtaking. I won't give too much away in terms of the story but definitely a night not to miss. By the time the curtains came down, both Middle Mouse and I vowed to become full time dancers with the best six packs seen to man!

Seriously considering getting a head of dreds on the offchance it might imbue us with a fraction of music goddess Valerie June's nonchalant cool. We've been super excited about the release of June's new album, Pushin' Against a Stone, ever since we heard Workin' Woman Blues earlier this year. And on Monday, it's out! If you can listen to Can't Be Told without tapping your toes you clearly don't have a rhythmic bone in your body...
Can't Be Told



Working Woman's Blues

Give Me Water


And that's it for another week! Happy Friday!

x
The Mice

3BM in Sri Lanka: Yala

Another day, another dose of Sri Lankan Sunshine!

After elephants and shopping in Colombo and cocktails and beachbumming in Galle, we set off for the third part of our Sri Lankan adventure, a leopard safari in Yala.

As we waved a forlorn goodbye to Galle from a car laden with bulging suitcases and far too many shopping bags, we felt an odd mixture of massive overexcitment and growing dread about the next leg of our trip.

From the second we'd booked our flights there was one part of the itinerary that was never in question. While a jaunt up to the Tea Country slipped off the agenda and the Cultural Traingle was vetoed, a safari in Yala National Park was a firm fixture. None of us had ever been on safari before and the chance to see leopards, elephants, bears and monkeys in their natural habitat was even more exciting than the prospect of getting to do a Supermarket Sweep in Paradise Road...

So, huge overexcitment for spotting lurking leopards and cruising around in an off-road jeep seeking out new ellie friends, but less love for the fact that the next three nights would be spent sleeping under canvas... yes, that's right, we were camping...

After wildly underestimating the journey time from Galle to Yala, we finally pulled up in our car at a junction just outside of the Kulu Safaris campsite two hours late. Gingerly stepping out onto the red, dusty road we attempted in vain to hold our completely inappropriate maxi dresses up with one hand while dragging our Mariah Carey-style excess luggage out of the boot with the other. Quicker than a flash, two super friendly Kulu hosts dashed to the rescue and, although they looked slightly baffled by the volume of bags, tossed our cases and shopping into a big Kulu jeep, helped us in and zoomed off down a bumpy track towards the camp.



As anyone who knows us, or has ever read this blog will know, we're not the most outdoorsy of girls. We may love a quick muddy ramble in Devon or a couple of hours hiking Hong Kong's trails, but generally not unless there's a long hot shower and a strong Hendricks & tonic at the other end... To say we're not natural campers is a little bit of an understatement. As we pulled up at the campsite we nervously looked around us - we appeared to be slap bang in the middle of nowhere, the chances of there being gin or hot water anywhere even vaguely nearby were looking slimmer and slimmer. 

It turns out that we couldn't have been more wrong... The Kulu campsite is set just back from a spectacular sweep of deserted beach amoungst shady trees and jungly vines studded with bright yellow flowers. After hopping over the red hot sand dunes in the scorching midday sun, we came to a stop in front of a perfectly shaded spot of sand where a pretty palatial-looking tent was pitched. Things were looking up! Set in it's own little area, our new canvas home was far enough away from the other campers to feel private and secluded but, we were assured, was close enough to the staff camp, that anything we needed was just a shout away.

Four poster beds and rain showers may have been just a distant memory but this was by no means hardcore, rough and ready camping. Our tent had two separate bedroom pods complete with real beds decked out with Paradise Road bedlinen, a spacious living area (big enough even for all our luggage...) and an outdoor space with three comfy deck chairs and a dining table. Camping may bring to mind back-to-basics bathroom facilities, but thankfully this wasn't the case at Kulu - our tent had its own toilet tent and a separate shower tent where we were informed, with just five minutes' notice, we could be showering under blissfully hot water... Score one! Now we just needed to loacte the gin... 

All tent nightmares dispelled, three grinning Mice breathed huge sighs of relief - this was glamping, we could definitely cope with glamping! At this point, our own personal Kulu guide for our stay, Manju, introduced himself and asked if we'd like a cold beer. Not needing to be asked twice, we happily accepted and settled back in our deckchairs to sip our icy Lions from chilled mugs. This was even better than glamping, this was heaven! And then Manju casually waved towards the paraffin lamps dotted beside the tent, "to keep the animals away" he said matter-of-factly. Animals??? What animals??? We were camping on the beach not in the park... Manju shrugged, "dogs? elephants? leopards?..." and then laughed seeing three girls with eyes the size of saucers. "It's fine, they're scared of fire" he said, and with that he was off to make us our lunch while we sat nervously sipping our beers while casting around for stray packs of leopards...  

Approximately five minutes later, lunch was served. Although to call it lunch doesn't really do it justice, this could really only be described as a feast. An endless procession of dishes of traditional Sri Lankan curry deliciousness served at our dinner table set with napkins folded in the shape of peacocks and yet another round of icy cold beers. As we sat back with tummies fit to burst, we all agreed that this was the best meal of the trip so far.

Seconds after pushing our knives and forks together, our plates were whisked away and we were told that the first game drive of our stay would be departing in ten minutes. Scrambling out of our maxi dresses and into more safari appropriate shorts and t-shirts, we grabbed our cameras and were out of the tent and into the jeep quicker than you can say leopard... 

Manju hopped in beside us and on the short fifteen minute drive from the camp to the park, he animatedly filled us in on the animals he'd seen on drives over the last couple of days and told us all about his favourite naughty elephant with a penchant for putting his trunk in the jeep on the hunt for suncream and perfume...

Breezing through the entrance to the park, within five minutes we'd stopped and were face to face with an alligator roughly the size of all three of us combined, which was leisurely basking on the shore of a lake. But all illusion that this was a menacing wild killer crumbled as we watched a water buffalo edge round the lake behind it sending the alligator scuttling into the water like a terrified rabbit.



The next few hours passed in a madly exciting blur of bumping along rocky paths, dodging branches and hanging on for our lives as we tracked footprints and dung and followed other animal's warning calls.

By sunset we'd had a glimpse of a yellow, furry patch in a tree which Manju assured us was a sleeping pair of leopards and we'd seen countless birds, monkeys and deer.


 
On the drive back to camp, Manju called ahead letting the rest of the staff know when we'd be back which meant that we returned to a shower full of hot water, a set of fresh fluffy towels, flaming paraffin lamps (phew!) and a tray of gin & tonics... Score two! We had gin!

Gins downed, refills finished and three hot showers later, our stomachs were just beginning to feel a bit hollow when we realised that our dining table had mysteriously disappeared from in front of our tent... Moments later, Manju was back and leading us out through the trees onto the beach where a candlelit table had been laid out on the sand surrounded by flaming torches. Pulling each of our chairs out for us, Manju then hurried off and returned bearing a chest filled with a selection of wines for us to choose from. Gin and wine... this place was a true 3BM Paradise!

Another great feast of a dinner followed. Kulu staff appeared from nowhere bearing heaving trays of curries and rice - having thought that lunch couldn't be topped, we were completely blown away by dinner! Just as we felt full to bursting, a tray of roasted bananas with jaggery arrived and we realised we had just enough space for this complete and utter heaven in a bowl! Dinner finished, Manju bowled over with a bottle or Arrack under one arm and a camera full of photos he'd taken on recent drives under the other. Wincing as we sipped the throat-singing Arrack, we sat enthralled by Manju's stories of leopard cubs and elephants wandering along the beach that we were sitting on.

A day filled with travelling and first time safari fun, had left us crushingly tired and with a 5am start hanging over us, we reluctantly agreed that it was time to hit our tents... We brushed our teeth by torchlight and zipped ourselves into our sleeping pods where we each lay anxiously listening out for every twig snap and rustle until we fell into fitful sleep punctuated by strange animal noises and ciccada chirrups.

A few hours later we were wrenched awake by a super cheery "Goooooood Morning" and emerged from our tent into the inky darkness to find a tray of coffee set on the table just outside our tent. A quick hit of caffeine later and we were back in the jeep, sleepily barrelling towards the park as the sun peeked above the horizon.  

After such a brief leopard sighting the day before, Manju was on a leopard mission for us, and the morning was spent zooming around the off road tracks that no other safari operator seemed bold enough to venture down leading to the odd branch having to be cut back to let us through and even a spell driving through a metre deep river...

We saw monkeys...

 

 

...birds...

 

 

 

...peacocks...

 



 

...and more monkeys...

 

 

...but not a single whisker of a leopard.

 

Despite the lack of spots, we were more than thrilled with our action packed morning of wildlife and were even more thrilled to head back to camp where a breakfast of tropical fruit, chilli spiked Sri Lankan omelettes, coconut pancakes and toast and jam was waiting for us.

As the midday heat set in, we decided a swim was in order. Minutes after clearing our breakfast plates Manju was back at our tent with an armful of beach towels trying to persuade us that a swim wouldn't be complete without a cold beer. Minimal persuasion was necessary and off we trotted for a paddle in the pounding surf of the endless, completely desserted beach.

 

Refreshed, we wandered back to camp where we discovered a litter of teeny, tiny puppies scampering around outisde our tent. Mini Mouse fell completely and utterly in love at first sight and one in particular fell head over heels for her right back. We christened her Scrappy and she faithfully skipped along beside our heels for the rest of our stay whenever we were back in camp.

 

 

We filled the next couple of hours with snoozing, sleeping and eating a little more food while Manju charged up our camera batteries ready for the afternoon's drive. And thank goodness he did.

 

What followed was quite possibly the drive of our stay. After a couple of monkey and alligator sightings, a driver from another company made the hand signal for bear and pointed off in the opposite direction. Lightening quick, Manju had jumped from the back of the jeep into the driver's seat and was zipping, racing car fast, in the direction of the fabled bear...

 

As we passed other drivers Manju stopped to check for anyone else with knowledge of the bear but everyone shrugged blankly. Eventually after a hair-raising twenty minute drive, completely deflated, Manju turned to us and said that the first driver had clearly been playing a trick on us. But shortly after a rustle of the leaves beside the road caught Manju's attention and we glimpsed an elephant and her baby looming through the trees.

 



And as if this wasn't enough of a silver lining for having been sent on a wild bear chase, moments later, Manju suddenly stopped the car and gleefully gestured at a dark shape lying in the road ahead. Rolling the jeep forward as noiselessly as possible, we suddenly realised that we were metres away from a huge male leopard. At the sound of the car he was up and prowling but stayed on the road just long enough for us to draw virtually alonside him as he cooly glanced back over his shoulder to check us out before dissappearing into the undergrowth. It was by far the most magical moment of our whole holiday and something we'll never forget.



Elated, we made our way back to the camp for another feast of a meal and much reliving of our amazing leopard encounter. That night, as our plates were cleared, a crew of staff from the camp escorted us up to the very top of the nearby sand dunes where our deckchairs had been laid out next to a table laden with wine and Arrack. Manju explained that the sweep of beach just below us was where giant sea turtles often emerge from the water to lay their eggs, so working our way through a bottle of wine, we sat under the starry sky watching for turtles and happily chatting about our safari adventures.

The rest of our stay continued in a happy routine of eating, napping and animal spotting. During our six drives we saw seven leopards, two sloth bears, eight elephants and too many crocodiles, monkeys, birds, land monitors, deer and buffalo to mention. Many of the other safari companies seemed to work in packs which meant that an animal sighting drew a fleet of vehicles. The really lovely thing about Kulu, was that the trackers were skilled enough not to have to follow the crowd and so the majority of our sightings were just us and the animals on off-road tracks.

 

 

 

 

 

Animal sightings were obviously the highlights of our safari, but they weren't the sole focus of the staff's attention. What made our safari adventure so perfect were the incredible staff, their passion and enthusiasm for their work and their total attention to detail.  Each and every member of the Kulu team were superb, working together to make the day run seamlessly. Upon your arrival back at camp after each game drive as if by magic, the camp was in perfect order - beds were made, outside areas raked and swept, and tables beautifully set. After a tour of the camp we discovered that each mouthwatering meal was prepared in a small, modest kitchen with a couple of gas rings - totally incredible given the five star quality of the food.

 

Overall our four days in Yala were completely unforgettable and far exceeded our very highest hopes for our safari. It was the highlight of our amazing Sri Lankan holiday and something we'd urge everyone to put on their bucket list.

As we repacked our cases on the final afternoon and tearfully gave Scrappy a last pat goodbye, we realised we'd somehow survived three days under canvas without getting eaten by a leopard or trampled by a stray charging elephant. More than that, we'd actually rather incredibly, enjoyed every single second of it. While we weren't quite ready to swap our Louboutins and lipgloss for cagoules and camping stoves, our tent phobia had certainly been cured. Irrespective of that, we couldn't contain a shimmer of delight at the prospect of the next part of our trip back in a four poster bed in a colonial corner of Tangalle...

 

The World Would Be A Better Place if...

...there was an invention to negate the every day work-related bugbears that drive us all a bit mental! And is there a worst time of the week for work's little annoyances to spring up than on a Wednesday slap bang in the centre of your mid-week slump?! If I were to pick two of my biggest annoyances that affect me on a day-to-day basis, they would without doubt be:

1. Filling in timesheets, attributing every minute of every day to a task or client; and 

2. Listening to bad music played out via the shared office Spotify account.

If only they were inventions of some kind that would soften the blow or offer some kind of solution to these daily niggles? Well i'm pleased to say my prayers have been answered with the following two beauties...

Free beer Friday when the office timesheets for the week are all completed! Genius and totally addresses my first loathe! I personally can't think of a better form of motivation than an alcohol-fuelled bribe! It's simple, there is a fridge in the centre of the office, full to the brim of icy cold beer which is electronically locked. This fridge of dreams is connected to the office timesheet programme which automatically unlocks once all office timesheets have been submitted for the week - watch below for the full story...

So that's the timesheet dilemma dealt with! Next up how to tackle co-workers bad taste in music?! Well i've found just the trick ... The Change The Tune interactive poster which is connected to Spotify and allows you to change a tune by simply throwing something at it! So let me set the scene, 'Gangnam Style' starts blaring out of the office speakers, you shiver with disgust and put your head in your hands BUT with the poster hung on your office wall, those days are loooooong gone. The poster is essentially a target, so as soon you hear the words Oppan Gangnam Style simply take a ball of paper and throw it at the poster - hey presto Spotify will skip to the next track. Not to get all techy on you but the back of the poster hosts a knock sensor that registers the paper hitting the front and passes a signal through to the Spotify computer moving the music track on by one! Amazepaperballs right?! Check it out below...

That's it for my Wednesday pearls of wisdom - I think we've all learnt something here! Next up tackling world peace...!