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Tuesday 7 May 2013

Met Gala 2013: Planet Fashion Gets Punk'd

Parties with themed dress codes can be a bit of a nightmare...

If it says 'Studio 54' on the invitation, do you go all out, don your silver flares, mirrorball earrings and a faceful of glitter or should you just give the theme a gentle nod and wear something suitably Bianca Jagger-esque? Does 'Pirate Chic' call for full on Jack Sparrow, peg leg and hook or are we talking a few stripes and an oversized pair of gold hoop earrings?

There's a fine line between themed and fancy dress, but not making an effort at all can make you look just as ridiculous, especially when everyone else has really gone to town...

So, we can only imagine the fashion dilemmas that fashion's A-List have faced since the Met Gala invitations landed on their doormats earlier this year bearing the dress code: 'Punk'.

Did this call for a sprinkle of studs and a couple of safety pins, or was this more of a mohawk and dog collar affair? The Met Gala is by far our favourite red carpet fashion parade of the year because the slew of fashionistas, models and all round beautiful people on the invite list always use it as an opportunity to completely push fashion boundaries to the max. But does that really extend to pink hair and PVC bondage trousers?  And quite aside from all that, what does 'punk' as a theme even mean anyway...?

We like to think that had we been running this dress code gauntlet, we'd have been attempting to channel the spirit of Greenday's Billie Joe Armstrong's definition of punk:

"A guy walks up to me and asks ‘What’s Punk?’ So I kick over a garbage can and say ‘That’s punk!’ So he kicks over a garbage can and says ‘That’s punk?’ and I say ‘No, that’s trendy!

We're thinking, being Punk at the Met Gala is less about spikes and leather harnesses, and more about doing something free, naughty and a little bit out there. It's a dress code that calls for a look that draws a triple take and raises an eyebrow; something that unashamedly goes against the grain and sticks its middle finger up at any protest about it...

But, we also recognise the desire to remain flashbulb friendly and we can definitely understand J-Lo, Gwyneth & co shying away from anything that would  be likely to make Harper Beckham cry... anti-establishment with a glossy edge - there's absolutely not denying that it's a tough one.

But then there's also the rather clever argument that the ultimate punk rebellion is to dress for a punk themed event in pretty, pastel-hued florals... in which case, we suppose we'll have to concede that la Wintour in Chanel Couture nailed it. As always.

But what about the rest of them? We give you the 3BM take on who punk rocked the red carpet and who just looked a bit Johnny Rotten...

The Fancy Messes

Miley Cyrus in Marc Jacobs
A fishnet body stocking is always going to hover on the edges of fetish wear so with the right styling Miley's dress could actually be the perfect punky statement to cause a stir amongst the buttoned-up Waspy socialites. But, add in the spiked up crop and you topple straight into campy punk - a theme taken far too literally.

Madonna in Givenchy
Studs? check! Spikes? check! Ripped fishnets and tartan? check! Lourdes cowering in the corner, rocking gently with her hands over her eyes? Just out of shot...

Kim Kardashian in Givenchy
Kim's certainly made an effort in the fancy dress stakes we're just not sure what she came as, or why she thought dressing a burgeoning bump and ballooning bosom in polo-necked, posy print was going to do her any favours. The matching shoes are pretty horrific too and don't even get us started on the camouflage glove-sleeve...

Sienna Miller in Burberry
There's no denying that Sienna got the punk memo and that jacket is pretty awesome, but we can't help thinking that she looks a little as though she's recycled Olivia Newton John's Grease finale costume and got lost on her way to an Avril Lavigne convention...

Ivanka Trump in Juan Carlos Obando
Props to the Trumpette for those lethal looking spikes and the emerald streaked hair but the very blah outfit's just a little Soccer Mom not to mention massively unflattering.

Sarah Jessica Parker in Giles Deacon & Philip Treacy
We genuinely wavered over whether this was fugly or fabulous. Each and every item of SJP's look in isolation are jaw-droppingly incredible, but together, all at once, even Carrie Bradshaw can't quite ace it... Though we're still a little head over those thigh-high tartan Louboutin heels...

The Dress Code? What Dress Codes?

Heidi Klum in Marchesa
Perfectly pretty but not at all punky, from the woman who spends months creating the world's most elaborate Halloween costumes, we really expected more.

Kate Upton in Diane Von Furstenberg
We get shunning a theme if you have something so stupendously awesome to wear that you'll bedazzle everyone into forgetting that there ever was a theme in the first place. This though, is just stupendously awful. We have serious concerns that Kate can't actually read and just believed the other green-eyed glamour models when they read the invite to her, telling her the dress code was peas.

Gwyneth Paltrow in Valentino
It seems that Gwyneth got her dates muddled and turned up in last year's outfit... It's perfectly acceptable (although perhaps a little unimaginative) to wear Schiaparelli pink when the exhibition is Schiaparelli themed; it's totally baffling when the theme's punk.

Naomie Harris in Donna Karan Atelier
Meanwhile Naomie hadn't got her years muddled but was heavily channeling two of last year's star gowns. Taking inspiration from girls whose style you covet is all well and good, but coming over single white female and completely ripping off both Beyonce and Diane Kruger's dresses from 2012's Met Ball is a little too much...

Uma Thurman in Zac Posen
This isn't punk and it isn't pretty. We suspect that Uma, who'd lost her invite, was super relieved to bump into Kate Upton last week, who happily passed along the dress code...

Mary-Kate Olsen in Vintage Chanel Haute Couture & Vintage Balmain
A little bit Great Gatsby, a little bit Grandma's dressing gown all topped off with hobo hair. It's actually pretty bonkers brilliant but it's definitely not even verging on punk.

The Punk Princesses

Anne Hathaway in vintage Givenchy
Hathahaters be silenced, this girl knows her punk. The marabou and glitter sound cabaret carcrash on paper but it just the right combination of deadly delicious in real life. We're also loving the peroxide crop - Debbie Harry eat your heart out.

Katy Perry in Dolce & Gabbana
While some people have shunned Katie's D&G as too costumey and camp, we couldn't agree less. We're having serious palpitations over the detail in that dress and we adore the matchy matchy earrings and crown. Plus, what's more punk and iconoclastic than making satanic hand signs while wearing a cathedral inspired dress... On a more Perez Hilton-esque note, Putting this fashion genius in the same frame as Upton's pea sack is cruelly comical.

Kate Bosworth in Balmain
OK, it's more glam rock than punk rock but, as always, Ms Bosworth completely knocks it out of the park. Short, sharp and mouth-wateringly besequinned, we particularly love that the hair and make-up is so laidback it's virtually snoozing.

Cameron Diaz in Stella McCartney
We're really not sure about this look from the neck up. Cameron needs roots or darker eye make-up to prevent the slightly terrifying Lord Voldemort face, but neck down this is sheer perfection. That colour, that back to front cape, that belt - we love...

Doutzen Kroes in Theykens' Theory
She's the sort of girl who's constantly told that she'd look good in a bin bag and it looks as though she's decided to test the theory out. The result? Well what a surprise... she looks a thousand percent kickass amazing. It's black but not boring with just the right amount of punky, look at me rebellion.

Aubrey Plaza in Marios Schwab
So, we have a slight cape obsession. We've no idea who Aubrey Plaza is, but she's caped up in the Marios Schwab dress that we've been drooling over since Fashion Week. The grungey hair and smudgy, morning-after eye make-up just lifts our levels of style crush to even loftier heights.

Cara Delevingne in Burberry
We're not going to lie, we sort of wish that Kate Upton had got to Cara before she left the house and showed the rest of the amateurs how punk's really done (quite apart from anything else we're sure that baby Delevingne would have an incredible pea onesie...). Studded and slashed to the navel - this fierce slice of Burberry amazingness is taken stellar with the undone hair, kohled lids and edgy ear cuff. Sigh.


  1. Love this, All hail Anna Wintour! Queen of Punk!

  2. Aubrey Plaza plays April in the comedy tv series "Parks and Recreation" starring another comic Amy Poehler.