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Monday 17 September 2012

Suri's Burn Book: A Study in Suri and the People Who Dissapoint Her

If you're having a bad morning, can I suggest that you immediately stop what you're doing, go and grab a coffee and spend half an hour post hopping on the best blog ever...Suri's Burn Book.

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If you've somehow not stumbled across the musings of the deliciously bitchy, six year old celebrity spawn, you have hours of fun ahead of you. 

Ok, it's not really the high heeled, helicopter loving princess of Hollywood, the blog is the creation of writer and 'sometimes Suri', Allie Hagan. The perfect mix of celebrity gossip, bitingly acerbic put-downs and spoilt only-child one liners, life according to Suri never fails to make our day. For a little taster of what to expect, here are some of our favourite Suri quotes...

Suri on the tooth fairy:
"I find the concept of the Tooth Fairy disgusting — having dirty cash that close to my face while I sleep? Not worth it, Tom, even though I know how much you would enjoy the costume."

Suri on Katie: 
"When I said I was going for a walk, it wasn’t an invitation."

"Do you see what I have to put up with every day?"

Suri on Rachel Zoe's Baby, Skyler:
"This is a very judgmental look coming from a baby wearing pastel stripes, mocassins, and a lock of hair so perfectly placed, it could have only been done with a curling iron and most of the hairspray in Los Angeles County.
Rachel Zoe, your baby looks like one of those porcelain dolls that creepy people order from catalogs."

Suri on the Easter Bunny:
"Jennifer Lopez took her children — Max, Emme, and Casper — to see the Easter Bunny yesterday. 
Is this a thing now? You go and sit on the Easter Bunny’s lap and ask for things? Kids these days will do anything for presents. I would never degrade myself by begging like that — why would I, when I have a purse full of credit cards in Tom Cruise’s name?"
Suri on Harper Beckham:
"It won’t be long before Harper Beckham’s arms are thicker than her mother’s."

"In case you missed this big “who cares?” last week, Harper Beckham has started walking. I know, right? Stop the presses.
Meanwhile, Eva Longoria, chatty godmother extraordinaire, said she’s glad her pal had a girl because, “Somebody needs to inherit Victoria’s shoes!” Um, have you seen Harper’s feet? Something tells me that cankley girl is not going to be wearing her mom’s Louboutins, unless they start making lunchlady shoes."

Suri on Tom:
"My father is a helicopter parent, in that we own a helicopter, but he is under strict orders not to come too close without my permission and some advance notice. And you don’t even want to know what my nickname for Tom is.
Okay fine.
It’s Polly Pocket."
Suri on Blue Ivy Carter:
"Blue Ivy Carter showed up in Paris yesterday without shoes on.
Going barefoot in Paris is like showing up to the Oscars in a denim miniskirt. A frayed one."

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